- Why can’t you be more outgoing, active?
- What? reading book is fun? that is so boring! You are missing out on life!
- Wow you are so lazy, like a guy, why can’t you multi-task and do everything under the sun
- Hey, you are the only girl in the team, why don’t you actively organize some events and bring life to the team?
- sending the kid to daycare early will make them more social!
- why are you secretive, sensitive, secluded
- Me: Uhhhhhhhhhhhh??!!!!!!
To be honest, I had spent a better part of my life trying to fit into a stereotype notions and constantly failing at it and being terrible at it.
However recently I have reset my life to zero – I am going to start from scratch and do it all over again – Yes, I am now 0 years old. This was ignited by many factors (which would cover a book and not a fun story) and motivated strongly by the experience with respectful parenting. I have spent a lot of time on self-reflection and reading up on this and researching this especially in the last 1-2 years.
The first part of that journey is embracing who I am. Finding out the cause of lot of things that is going on in my life, and in my mind and identify the right tools to navigate the challenges (especially after trying to change who I am and failing at it miserably).
And that is introversion. After several videos, google articles and talking to wonderful mentors, I found two books.
Step 1 ~ Embracing Introversion
Books:
1. The Everything Guide to the Introvert Edge by Arnie Kozak
2. Quiet – the power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking by Susan Cain
Disclaimer – Again, I have read only two chapters in each book so far, but my goal is to finish the Quiet book by May.
Even though it has only been two short chapters, it has already given me a sense of relief. I found myself nodding and agreeing and relating to almost every line in the book.
Within the first two chapters, I found out the reason for my extreme burn out, something that is stereotyped as not being a quality of a mom – because moms can only exist as super mom.
That feeling of relief is quite impactful especially after realizing that the qualities that had always been frowned upon and sometimes despised are actual human quality – and similar to parenting a child (respectfully), a lot of us have absolutely no idea on how common the introverted qualities are.
We are hopefully in a world that is changing and that is more accepting and embracing the diversity and these resources have now given me the confidence to stop apologizing for who I am and be a bit more confident about who I am.
Some surprises and flashbacks:
- reading about Dale – (leaving out last name to avoid spoiler). this brought back memories of me reading these books as a teenager and at one point, I distinctly remember throwing them out – for several reasons – but mainly for things beyond my control. Reading about it in this book brought back some mix of memories and emotions
- inferiority complex – that is a phrase I had completely forgotten in the last few years but distinctly remember people quoting it to me when I was younger. Recently I was dealing with imposter syndrome and utter lack of confidence which jump-started this reset-to-0 journey. It was interesting to come across this phrase again and realize that I no longer feel anyone is inferior or superior than anyone else. I am wondering if it probably means if a negative phrase is used long enough if it can impact someone’s emotional capability. Something to watch out for.
What I am expecting further from these resources:
- can an introvert be a leader? – My experience with respectful parenting has taught me that any quality can be learned and every problem has a solution (except things beyond our control) and even emotional capabilities can be tamed. Hence I am definitely going to say “Yes an Introvert can be a leader”. hoping to read about more about this in these resources.
- more resources to build confidence.
- more tools to work with introverted nature and coexist in extroverted word without feeling like a failure and without faking it.
Recommendation: Yes
If you are an introvert, I highly recommend reading these resources.
If you are an extrovert, you should read this or watch the TED talk by the author. There is a high probably you are surrounded by an introvert and this would help you relate to your fellow humans.