So let us see an example:
I am sure there are lot out there who do this – watch the movie, feel the impact of the movie and walk out with a glow. In few days the glow dissipates and life goes on as usual. But a seed is planted. If it was a good Samaritan movie, hopefully you wake up the next day with a smile and go about and try to be a good Samaritan.
Back in good old-en days:
- movies are created mostly by – in olden days, probably dads.
- So the movie titles goes like this – for sample, I did generalize the nouns to fit current generation- but such movie titles are real:
- “being a housewife/ serving others/…” “is a mom’s best” “destiny/life/….”
- Movie content is – obviously
- what length women should go to to nurture/protect everyone else – except HER – note, except HER.
- People watch it
- thoughts sit on their head, and marinate for a while, and without their knowledge …
A Star is born.
Okay that was a joke. It is hard to write real-life without little jokes in between – because sometimes it hurts. – sometimes it hurts a lot. Let us try that again!
Thoughts sit on their head, and marinate for a while, and without their knowledge …
A BIAS is born…
Now, imagine years of watching content related to this bias, the bias becomes a belief and eventually a fact.
and thus as known to occur in any society, the entire community keeps trying hard to adhere to it.
There is sometimes a little light, a tiny question from a tiny heart, but it is quenched as soon as possible. At some point, the light becomes strong as a sun and shines brightly and starts questioning the fact -> eventually the belief, and then bumping such thoughts back into its original throne – a bias – ; created by a dad – most probably; – currently known as patriarchy system.
Now imagine if there were moms in the creation process. Movies would obviously be different content – like we see more of now. Also currently known as minority-oriented scripts/content/movies – or representation from minorities.
I am sure you can now see a breath of fresh air. And if you did not grow up thinking it was a fact, then you are free to make your own conclusion, thereby, you know the truth, that a mom is free to do what she wants, get all the help she needs and does not need to be a martyr.
Unfortunately, we still consider such thoughts as facts and constantly suggest moms what to do. I am not going to list what moms are suggested to do, because there isn’t enough devices in the world to store the content of the mild-to-severe-abuse, ahem, I mean advices, that moms (and parents) are subjected to.
For heaven’s sake, let a mom do what she wants, if you are really concerned about the health / well-being / nurturing of the baby/child, do what villages and tribes used to do in the past, do what animals like elephant heard still do – “Pitch in and help her’
Just don’t tell her ‘quit your job, that is what I did‘ as a first thing when you meet a new mom.
I mean, I know we are all heavily influenced by gripe water ad, and would love to say to all generations ‘hey that is what I did’ lol. See I cannot help making jokes.
Instead ask her what help she needs. If not, use the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy.
Why?
Because trust me, we need more mom & minority representation across the world.
Why, because, read the example at the first line again.
If you were stuck in a loop of going back to first line and still questioning or thinking ‘a mom quitting a job, is best answer for nurturing a child’, do this:
- turn your head away from this device, and think about asking your maid why she ‘choose’ to work when she is a mom.
- I am sure you are scared to ask her that, maybe how about,
- ask your kids teacher, doctors, nurses, bank employees, government employees, almost literally any mom you meet in your daily affair, ask them to quit.
Why? As far as I know, most of my teachers, doctors, have been moms. Most of the maids I have met in different circles have been moms.
I am almost 99% certain, the maid you have employed – if you have the privilege to do so – is a mom too.
I am sure, that will make you think. Why didn’t it never occur to ask your maid that, but you go around asking everyone at your choosing.
Did that make you think? Don’t stop, think again, why is this growing anonymity against moms who work. Still confused about representation and differences between bias, belief and fact?
Go back to first line and now read again.
Welcome back, you finally got out of the thought loop. You did great! Give a big pat on the back!
Working moms have existed for centuries. Anyone who things otherwise, is living a frog’s life. Sorry frog for pulling you into this.
On the other hand, moms doing what they want, are surprisingly rare. Even now. Trust me, even in 2022 when I writing this post, where majority of the countries are technically celebrating freedom every year, moms are still struggling for their basic rights.
So next time, stop, think, pause, think, go for a round, come back, think again. If you want to ask anything, ask what help they need. If you are not capable of helping, that is totally fine, then just validate their thoughts or feelings with a simple sentence – ‘I see you and I am there with you’.
That is it!, There…. you did it!
Now, that calls for a celebration!
Remember, I see you and I am there with you!
A-cough, ahem – okay that does sound like 20’s horror movie, i just mean I see your mom (hard) work, and struggles (if any), and I go through the same irrespective of our choices and our life path.
I think I should stop here. A-cough. Okay fine alright. Look out for that pole there! see you! Byeeeeee
PS:
I took a simple example of a bias created by movie, but in real world there are lot more problems like in healthcare -significant lack of research about menstruation and related health issues, menopause, pms, pmdd, pcos,… childcare – shrinking support or lack of support for homemakers,…. at workplace – lack of facilities like pumping, lack of workplace policies that support (new) moms,… in transport – lack of support that makes (esp. solo) moms to function without breaking their head on how to get to office and pick up and drop kids and beat traffic (cue big bang theory kind of mathematics calculation here),… sports – support for menstruating humans,….
I can go on about every field, how lack of representation and support puts us back several centuries. It is no longer about you and me, it is about how we support and lend a hand for a moms to climb up a ladder for upcoming generations.