Logically it is very simple. Your kid was on this world for barely 12 months or 24 months. However we forget that they are brand new most of the time and give them instructions that they can barely understand or relate to and wonder why they don’t listen to us.
Let me explain with an example.
**Problem Situation:**
I always kept telling my kid ‘don’t bring that to bathroom, bathroom is not a clean environment’ or ‘don’t bring toys, there are germs here’, ‘don’t bring food’ blah blah blah.
My kid will give one good stare at me for few seconds and march in confidently with the said item anyway.
If you are not too careful, this response would come off as being disrespectful – like they are deliberately doing that one thing you explicitly asked them not to do
The answer was right there, but it took me a while to get it – in fact months to get it.
**Root Cause:**
My kid is young and does not have enough experience or data points to list out and decide where else to keep the toy, if the toy is not supposed to be in bathroom.
We are experienced…we know endless options of where else to put the toy away. We know that that toy can be left behind in living room, food left behind in dining room or kitchen, book in bookshelf, toy in toyshelf or floor or chair of sofa etc. We have been trained for years and we have those options ingrained in our head. It is almost second nature to us and we need not be given step by step instructions.
Young kids do not know those options or has not yet learnt that these options exist, so you have to give those options clearly.
They need to learn or be made aware that those options exist. It needs to be easier for them to implement from the get-go.
**Solution:**
Tell them what they need to do instead: Give them an option.
In my case, I put a basket outside bathroom and next time my kid shuffled into bathroom with a toy, I would say “hey can you put the toy in basket before you enter? Bathroom is not clean, I want your toy to stay clean” or “put it in basket and take it when you go out’ or some instruction similar to that.
Now, it was clear to my kid what to do. My kid now had an option – to put the toy in the basket! And it worked wonders!!!
For faster results:: **Model the behavior** – take an item and you deliberately put the item in basket saying ‘I am putting it here, I will take it when I get out’ before entering bathroom. Kid will follow your suit.
Note that the placement of the basket is the key too – it helps my kid part with it but still nearby and within eyesight and hence kid is ready to let-go of the toy for few mins. If I had the basked in living room or kitchen it would be more harder for kid to follow.
Eventually as kid gets older you can give complicated instructions – like ‘hey can you go put the food back in kitchen? since it is food’
Finally few things to remember
It is not a switch and things don’t change in one day. It would take few times or days for kid to understand and relate to what you are saying and start implementing them.
There are always regressions. Be patient during those times.
It takes lot of practise for us to remember this – I still forget and keep saying ‘don’t do that’ and have to constantly remind myself.
If needed, printout few action words and place it at your eye-level to be reminded constantly.
PS
I want to pass the due credit. I am sure I read these principles in parenting philosophies (parenting forums, Montessori forums etc.) in several shape or forms. However reading does not always register in our head until we experience it and fail several times and find the right trick for the right moment.
We have to keep retraining our mind to remember these tricks and tips and apply at the apt situations.
This post and the content above is purely based on my experience.
Nice work, enjoy reading this